My Life as an Advisor: Afghanistan

I sat stiff in my chair with my hands folded politely in my lap. As I looked around the room, it was adorned with brightly colored fake flowers overflowing from the vase that was placed at the side of the desk and another on the other side. The biggest picture of President Karzi that I had ever seen hung behind the desk with a pose that made you feel as if he were in the room overseeing the conversation. It was my third day in Afghanistan and I and the other mentors were meeting with the Chief of Police to discuss security. The senior mentor could not make the meeting this day so the Lieutenant Colonel was acting as the senior. The Chief of Police, a tall prominent man, had a demeanor that commanded authority and his presence had a way of making you feel as if you were in the principal’s office. He did not serve up Chai and discuss his family or participate in meaningless small talk which is so uncommon in Afghanistan, but instead rushed right into business. As he began to talk, everyone in the room leaned forward giving their full attention and the interpreters were sure to wait for the General to finish before speaking. As he began his next iteration of comments, he stopped mid sentence and looked at me. In English he asked me if I was here to take notes for the Senior Mentor. Maybe a little shocked at the question or partially embarrassed, I smiled. Then as quickly as I had smiled, I heard myself telling him that I wasn’t a secretary for the Colonel and then as my finger pressed against my temple, I proceeded to tell him that I didn’t need to take notes because it was all “up here.” Everyone in the room froze at my comments and then the General’s stern look transformed into a smile back at me. He then continued the meeting and at the end I received a hand shake and one of those famous Afghan hugs indicating that I was accepted. Since that day, I have joked many times by pulling out a note pad when the General begins to speak and telling him that I wouldn’t take notes for the Colonel but for him I would. It was an unintended ice breaker but resulted in a trusting relationship. When the Colonel left, the General told our command that he didn’t care if his replacement mentor was male or female, which is very different from the culture here. The choices that we make in an uncomfortable situation can change our situation completely. If we overreact, it says something about our ability under pressure and that we are led by our emotions. If we under react, it says that strength and courage are simply words in a dictionary and when it’s time to take a stand, we’ll stay seated. Trust me, not every day has been the right decision, but I think when it comes to the important ones, the key is the ability to manage your emotions while proving your strength. Eleanor Roosevelt once said “women are like teabags. We don’t know our true strength until we are in hot water!”

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